I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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