those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
