Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
