i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
