Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
