I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The air was thick with penises
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
