i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
