is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
