Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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