Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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