I got chris browned last night
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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