Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
