im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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