i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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