Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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