I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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