The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
