I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
