Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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