I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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