ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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