im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
