I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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