i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
