Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
