I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
