doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
