What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
