i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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