Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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