woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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