you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
