Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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