Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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