I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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