i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
