I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
