I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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