just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
