I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
