remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
