My sheets look like a crime scene.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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