Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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