i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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