a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hope mine doesn't look like that
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
