after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
