I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
