Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
