uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
