What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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