i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
