I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
