enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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