I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
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it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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