I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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