At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's always time for handjobs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
