I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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