I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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