I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
