I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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