i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
