i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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