New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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