ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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