You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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