Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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