I CAN MOONWALK!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
