Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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