girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
