It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
