You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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