I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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