i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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