Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
