I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need to calm my uterus...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
