help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
