He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
