I looked at my own cervix.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
