After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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