I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
