So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
