he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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