Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
