I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
