He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
