Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
