So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
