Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
