this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
