My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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