tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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