My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
