I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
