He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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