Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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