She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
please don't ironically join a cult
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